***Content Warning! Some Swearing. Mild PTSD Moment and Other Depictions of Mental Illness***

Lenora lost complete track of time. In her prison, there was no way to distinguish day from night. She mechanically took nourishment when it was brought to her and slept when she felt tired. To Lenora, time was simply a large nightmarish stretch. With no sunlight or access to an outside view, she suspected her circadian rhythm was completely wrecked.

Lenora never forgot Shane’s threats to kill her family with silver bullets if she didn’t comply with his demands. She was to pretend she cared for Allen and make him believe it was genuine. In the beginning, Lenora found it difficult to “play pretend” and turn on the charm when he approached her. He had no concept of personal space, which sent waves of apprehension and unease down her spine. It was instinct to guard her person and back away, and all Lenora could think about was how to formulate an escape plan.

Allen always looked so sad when Lenora shrank away from him. “I won’t hurt you, Lenora. I love you. Please don’t be afraid.”

Good gravy! How could he proclaim to love her when he didn’t even know her? He and his sadistic brother were keeping her against her will, having locked her in a place unfit for human habitation. However, Shane’s threats always crept into her mind, and Lenora’s stomach clenched with dread. If she was to keep her family safe and herself alive, she’d have to give the performance of her life. She was in no position to do otherwise.

Each time, Lenora steeled herself to make the role look convincing. “I’m sorry. I’m just still a bit under the weather.” Even when Neil had come to treat her pneumonia and fever, she pretended to be more ill than she actually felt.

As time crawled by, Lenora found the role easier to execute. Allen still unnerved her, but she came to realize just how ill he was. As much as she’d wanted to cast partial blame for her situation upon him, Lenora understood he couldn’t be held responsible, especially after finding out his medication had been withheld.

Upon concluding that only Shane was at fault for Lenora’s captivity, she shifted some of her energy to trying to help Allen. Lenora didn’t like to see anyone suffer. Although she was no expert in the field of mental health, there was no question in Lenora’s mind that Allen was truly suffering. Perhaps if she could somehow get him to clearer thinking and a secure level of trust, an opportunity for escape might come. Tyrone would come to her if he could, but Lenora fully understood she’d need to find ways of helping herself at any chance.

Lenora’s family was always foremost in her mind and heart. As her strength and health returned, so did a degree of her magic. She was eternally grateful for the Supreme Alpha’s mark of protection which Tyrone invoked after her “death.” Every time her hand went over her heart and she thought of her beloved soulmate, she caught glimpses of him and her wee ones. After the personal tending from the Great Alpha Pair, Lenora sensed Tyrone’s heart more frequently and intensely. This renewed her strength and will to keep fighting. Every time she was able to reach Tyrone and feel his love through their magical bond, she basked and held onto it for all she was worth and as long as she could before the binding curses overcame her.

Allen came to her for frequent visits to both comfort Lenora and receive it from her, especially during the bad times when the disease mercilessly seized him. Time after time, he insisted that only in her presence did the voices stop tormenting him. There were times when all she could do was hold him and speak soft, soothing words to him while he wept brokenly. Other times, she talked him through panic attacks and apparent PTSD episodes.

The time came when Lenora felt that Allen’s trust in her was unquestioning. She casually approached the subject of his medications. “What ye suffer, Allen, is an illness, and more often than not, an illness requires medication to treat it and make it better. There is no shame in it and certainly no reason to suffer unnecessarily.”

Allen sat in the chair and reached for Lenora’s hand, surprising her with the quickness of his movements and the desperation with which he clutched her fingers. Although Lenora didn’t pull away, she made no concerted effort to return an answering squeeze or curl her fingers around his. It was Tyrone’s touch she craved and yearned for.

“Shane says it’s nothing, just a sort of phase that’ll go away,” Allen said, bringing Lenora’s fingers to his cheek.

Anger at such blatant bullshit rose up in Lenora’s chest, and she’d have cheerfully throttled Shane if he were in front of her at that very minute. She closed her eyes momentarily, clamping down on it and keeping her voice and demeanor soft. This time, she lightly squeezed his hand, quickly relaxed her fingers, and shook her head as sadness warred with the anger. “No, Allen, it won’t go away. It is an illness that needs treatment. It’s wrong and exceedingly cruel to withhold needed treatment and attention.”

Allen blinked, a look of confusion marring his features. “Really? Why would someone do that to a brother? Brothers are supposed to take care of each other.”

“Aye, they are,” Lenora agreed. Dear Ariadne, what was she supposed to tell him without disparaging Shane’s character, such as it was? Taking a deep breath, she chose her words very carefully. “There are illnesses that are very hard for some people to understand. Not everything can be tidily remedied, and that can be hard for some people to deal with, so they deny its existence and hide from it.”

“I wish I could hide from it,” Allen said sulkily.

“Och, no! It’s better to face it head on. Ignoring a problem hardly ever makes it go away and will become worse the more ye ignore it.” She squeezed his hand again, harder this time. “Ye would be very brave to look it squarely in the eye and go to battle with it.”

Allen’s eyes widened. “I hadn’t thought of that. The only thing I know to do for it is to be near you. You make the voices go away, Lenora.” She stayed perfectly still when Allen reached up to tentatively caress her cheek. “I love you.”

Lenora hoped Allen didn’t see it when a piercing pain shot through her heart. It was Tyrone, alone, whom she wanted to hear declarations of love from. She swallowed around the sudden lump that formed in her throat. “I know ye do,” was all she could manage. In some strange, unique way, perhaps Allen did love her. However, it was born of delusions and obsession. To Lenora, that could never equate to true, genuine love.

It always unsettled Lenora when Allen said she was the one who made the voices retreat. A tendril of fear ran down her neck as she considered what might happen if his perception of her changed. A psychotic break would be forthcoming, which could, and likely would, put her in real danger. There were horrific cases where a person killed the object of their obsession if they didn’t live up to the high expectations set. Lenora was at a frighteningly strong disadvantage being contained in such a tight area. There was nowhere for her to run, and her magic was unstable because of the binding curses that scrambled and weakened it.

“Lenora, are you okay?” Allen’s voice brought her out of her reverie, and she startled. “You went so pale, and your hand is so cold.” He vigorously rubbed her fingers between his own, his gaze boring intensely into her.

“I’m all right. Don’t worry.” Lenora slowly but firmly disengaged her fingers from Allen’s hold and backed away to regroup.

“I’ll take care of you, my love,” Allen whispered. “Please let me hold you.”

Lenora blinked against a sudden sting of tears and clasped her hands to her chest. Tyrone’s handsome face filled her mind’s eye. He looked careworn and so grief-stricken, but his eyes were full of such fierce love. She couldn’t hold back a sharp gasp when she felt his heartbeat entwine with her own. //Wolfman…//

//My Lenora. I have you, sweetheart. Can you hear me?// came Tyrone’s telepathic message.

//Aye, I hear ye, Wolfman, and I can feel ye plain as day, my love. I can feel your heartbeat and…and…och, Tyrone! I love ye so, darling. I love ye eternally and ever after.// This time, Lenora couldn’t hold back the single tear that trekked down her right cheek.

//Oh, Lenora, sweetheart, don’t cry. I will find you. I promise you, I will not give up. I…will…find…you! Don’t you give up either, Lenora. I will not fail you, my goddess. I love you, Lenora, with all that I am.//

Lenora quickly dashed away the tear and took a steadying breath. //I won’t give up, Wolfman. I swear to ye I won’t. I will not let this break me.// She blinked as magic swirled around her in acknowledgment of the vow made to her True Mate. //Ye have never let me down. Wolfman, ye never could. I know that as surely as I know my own name.//

//Your strength and courage amaze me, sweetheart. You never fail to take my breath away.//

//A ghra…// Warmth flooded through Lenora as wave after cresting wave of Tyrone’s love and adoration engulfed her. Through their special, unbreakable bond, she felt his strong embrace, his tender yet passionate kiss, his large, sure hands running down the long length of her hair. There was no doubt in Lenora’s mind that with the return of at least some of her magic, the binding curses were weakening little by little. Each time she successfully connected with Tyrone, it was stronger, fuller, and less taxing. Although still brief, the connections were more cemented.

//When all this is over, I will never let you go. I’m not letting you out of my sight,// Tyrone communicated.

//I dream of being in your arms every second of every day,// Lenora answered. //The wee ones?//

Images of her children flashed before her. Lenora knew she’d been away from all she loved for an unholy amount of time. However, seeing how grown up and gorgeous they all were filled her with both joy and unbearable longing. //They’re so beautiful, Lenora, and they miss you every single day, sweetheart. Oh, my love! You’d be so proud. You’d be so very, very proud.//

//I’m missing out on so much of their lives! Och, Wolfman! What must they think of me? How can they ever forgive me for leaving them?// Lenora could no longer hold back the flood of tears. She turned her back on Allen so he wouldn’t see her distress. //Och! Forgive me, my darlings. Please…forgive me.// She hugged herself tightly and rocked as fresh grief settled coldly over her heart.

//Lenora, sweetheart! Listen to me. Listen to me now,// Tyrone’s plea was desperate but strong. //There is nothing to forgive, my Lenora. The kids know that none of this is your fault. They know you love them and are fighting to come home to them. All they want is to have their Ma back.//

//I want to hold them.//

//I know, sweetheart, and so do they. More than anything, they want that, too,// Tyrone assured her. //We have so much time to make up for, and we will, my Lenora. I’m coming for you. As soon as I find you, I’m coming for you. Hold tight and do what you must to keep yourself safe, my love. Have courage and just know how intensely I love you.//

Lenora felt the binding curses fighting to sever the connection and fought with all her strength to hold on for just a little longer. //I know, mo chroi. I love ye with every fiber of my being. Tell the wee ones I love them to the moon and back. Tell everyone.//

//I will, my goddess. Stay strong, sweetheart. Oh, my Lenora, don’t give up.//

//I will not give up,// Lenora communicated with all the conviction she could conjure. //I will not give him the satisfaction.//

When the connection was broken, an icy chill ran over Lenora and she swayed on the spot. Arms came around her, holding her fast. She felt herself being lifted…carried…settled in someone’s lap. “Lenora! Oh, baby, I’ve got you. Don’t pass out, Lenora. Please don’t pass out. I’ll take care of you and hold you. I’ll hold you, and that’ll make you well again.”

She was being rocked, the sound of old bedsprings creaking with each movement. She blinked in confusion, then tried unsuccessfully, to open her eyes. “Huh?” she mumbled dazedly.

“Just rest and let me hold you,” Allen murmured and kissed her forehead.

Second by second, the fog began to lift. She shuddered as another chill hit her. She wanted Tyrone. Oh, dear Ariadne, how she longed for her Wolfman’s strong arms to hold her. Only he could warm and comfort her. Instead, it was Allen who clasped her so intimately. She wanted to pull away, to resist, but she simply didn’t have the energy to carry it through.

“Lenora! Oh, honey, you’re so cold. What can I do, Lenora? Tell me what I can do.” He frantically kissed her forehead, her hair, her temple. “I’ll take care of you. I love you…oh, how I love you.” His arms tightened around her, squishing her.

I’m always cold. This is no place to be unless you’re a fecking rat. “I’m so tired,” she whispered.

“Just let me hold you a little while longer, and you can sleep.” He hugged her tight in a vicelike grip.

“Allen, you’re holding me too tight. I can’t breathe.” Lenora’s words were muffled against his shoulder.

Allen jerked as though he’d been shocked. “Oh! I’m sorry.” He loosened his grip and settled her more comfortably against his shoulder. “Better?”

“Aye,” Lenora whispered. She tried to open her eyes again, but it wasn’t happening.

Allen kissed her brow and ran a forefinger over her cheek. “Just rest, my love. I’ll take care of you.” Allen hummed tunelessly and rocked her, the old bedsprings creaking in protest. By now, all this was so familiar to Lenora, and she had no choice but to go with it.  I’ll get through this. I will. Tyrone’s love will sustain me. He’ll come for me like a phoenix and I’ll go home to him and my beautiful wee ones, Och, I still feel him with me. I feel his heart. Och, by the Ancients, I still feel his heart. Comforted by her own mental encouragement, Lenora surrendered when sleep beckoned irresistibly to her.

Lenora had no idea how long she slept, but she felt refreshed and stronger. She awoke with Allen still holding her, his gaze full of adoration and wonder. “Good morning,” he whispered, then gently kissed her. “You’re so beautiful that I can’t take my eyes off you.”

Lenora arranged her lips into a weak smile. “Such a nice thing to say.”

Allen gazed transfixed and silently at Lenora while she got her bearings. “Feeling better?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Aye, much,” Lenora said. She disengaged herself from Allen’s hold, relieved when he relinquished her without resistance. She breathed an inward sigh of relief once some distance separated them. The more Allen wanted to hold her, the more Lenora yearned for Tyrone’s arms to encircle her. Only then would she feel safe.

Wanting to continue the discussion she’d started with Allen, Lenora sat in the chair and eyed him speculatively. “Allen, do ye remember what we started talking about before I–erm–nodded off?”

Allen’s eyes clouded, and Lenora silently waited for the cogs to click into place. A minute or so later, he brightened and nodded enthusiastically. “It was about meds and how they’re not bad for you if you really need them, but some people don’t get it.”

Lenora nodded encouragingly. “That’s right. Do ye believe me? Do ye trust me to know I tell ye the truth?”

“Yes, of course!” Allen exclaimed without hesitation. “You care for me, right?”

“Oh, aye.” This was one of the few times Lenora spoke at least a partially truthful statement. She could never love him the way he wanted, but as a healer and an empath, she cared about the state of his body, mind, and spirit. “If I asked ye to, would ye go back on your meds?”

Allen rubbed his forehead, and Lenora again felt his cogs clicking and turning. “Do you want me to?”

“Oh, aye, I do. Ye will feel much better,” Lenora answered vehemently.

“Okay,” Allen agreed after a slight hesitation. Then, his face fell. “I don’t think Shane will let me. He says I don’t need them.”

Well, Lenora, old girl, it’s now or never. Time to see what you’re made of. Lenora heaved a bolstering sigh and carefully considered her words. “Allen, ye say ye love me, but do ye trust me? Do ye truly trust me? Love without trust cannot survive. Think on it before ye answer.”

Allen blinked, then reached for Lenora’s hand. She kept her fingers limp as Allen squeezed them. “I do love you, Lenora, and I do trust you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. You don’t get sore because I can’t think right. You talk to me like a real person, and you don’t look at me like some sort of freak. You let me hold you when I need to, and you don’t get scared anymore when I come near you.”

Lenora felt part of her heart break at hearing his words tumble out. She wondered just how many people ever showed this man any kind of decency or compassion. How many times in his life had he experienced kindness or understanding? As much as she loathed being held captive, Lenora was determined to fulfill her promise to the Great Alpha Pair about doing what she could to help him. Once she was free, she would see to getting Allen somewhere safe where he and his illness would be treated respectfully. If it took her seeking legal guardianship and dipping into her own pocketbook, she would arrange proper help and treatment for Allen.

Lenora carefully arranged her expression into a reassuring smile so as not to worry or agitate Allen. She allowed him to hold her hand another moment before gently disengaging her fingers from his. “Good, Allen. That’s very good. Now, here’s what I think we should do. If Val gets the meds for ye, I’ll keep them here with me. I have magic enough to conceal them from sight. Ye come to me twice a day and I’ll give ye what ye need each time. This way, ye won’t have to bother Shane with it. Will ye do that?”

Allen’s jaw went slack, his eyes widening. “You–you’d do that for me? You’d take care of me–like that?”

“Aye, I would. I want to see ye well and strong,” Lenora said. “How about it, Allen? Are we partners?”

Allen’s face split in a boyish grin, erasing the careworn and woeful look that was his constant. “Partners!” He pulled Lenora to her feet and brought her close in a joyful hug and buried his face in her golden tresses. “Thank you.” He kissed her forehead, released the embrace, and lightly caressed her cheek. “I love you, Lenora.”

“Aye, I know it.” Lenora put her hand over Allen’s and slowly removed it from her cheek. “Now then. Ye come to me at breakfast and again in the evening. We can have coffee and breakfast together, and I’ll give ye your morning dose. In the evening, you’ll bring wine. I can fix it so the alcohol won’t disagree with your meds. Can ye do that?”

Allen tapped his chin thoughtfully. By now, Lenora was used to the slow engagement of the cogs turning inside Allen.

“I would like that very much, Allen. Partners, remember? Ye would be helping me while I help ye,” Lenora said encouragingly.

“I want to, Lenora. I really do. It’s just–well–time is kinda funny for me. I lose chunks, lots of them. The voices–they mess with me and I can’t think.” Allen ran an agitated hand through his hair and began babbling incoherently.

Lenora was at his side in an instant. Very gently, she took his face in her hands and stroked her thumbs over his cheeks. “All right now. Allen, you’re safe. I have ye. Look at me. Hear me now, Allen. I have ye. You’re safe. It’s safe to come back. Hear me and come back.” She spoke in low, soothing tones, but there was no mistaking the air of authority and care in her voice. At her quiet but commanding coaxing, Allen returned from the depths of the black hole his illness often spirited him to. When clarity and awareness returned to his haunted eyes, Lenora smiled. “There ye are. You’re safe, Allen. I won’t let any harm come to ye.”

Allen burst into tears and slid down the brick wall to the cold concrete floor, looking like a frightened, ill-used child. “Lenora! Oh, Lenora–help me. Please help me.”

Lenora felt her maternal instinct ignite, so she wrapped her arms tightly around him, rubbed his back, and stroked his hair. “All right now. I have ye, Allen. You’re safe. I have ye. Shhh now. You’re all right. No harm will come to ye. Hush now.”

“I’m so scared,” Allen choked out.

“The tempest will soon be over,” Lenora whispered while rubbing soft little circles over his back and between his shoulder blades. She inwardly winced when she remembered saying these very words to her wee ones and holding them to her during particularly tumultuous thunderstorms. This was a different sort of tempest, a merciless storm that raged continuously inside a tormented soul.

“Lenora…please don’t leave me. Lenora…”

“I’m here, Allen. I’m right here,” Lenora crooned. “You’re all right. Can ye feel my arms around ye?”

Allen nodded silently against her shoulder and clutched her to him like a life raft.

Lenora kept this up until Allen’s shaking eased and his breathing returned to a more normal rhythm. She breathed a mental sigh of relief when her own nerves unclenched. When she sensed he was on steadier ground, she released him and slowly retreated a few steps.

“I’m sorry, Lenora,” he croaked in a flat, distant voice.

“There’s no need for that. It’s not your fault. Ye did nothing wrong,” she said, wiping his tears in true motherly fashion. “The meds will make ye feel so much better. I promise, they will.” Due to the binding curses, the magic triggered by the promise Lenora made moved feebly through the air and fizzled seconds later. When he said nothing, she continued. “Here is what we will do. Do ye know how to set alarms on your watch?”

Allen gazed at the Apple watch on his wrist. “Yeah. I know this thing like the back of my hand, Strange how my head works. I can’t remember when last Tuesday was but I can learn any electronic doodad or computer in no time flat, and I’m a super good inventor.”

“Och, that’s fine then,” Lenora said, returning to the chair. “Listen to me now. Having an illness doesn’t mean you’re dumb. Your brain just works differently. Ah, the mind is a vast and curious thing, it is.”

“I love your Irish voice. You sound like a beautiful songbird,” Allen whispered shyly.

“Clever and poetic. Ye do wonders for my ego, ye do.” She purposely thickened the brogue to make him smile. Then, she turned serious. “Now then, the alarms. Ye will set an alarm for eight o’clock in the morning. Bring breakfast and coffee. If I’m still asleep, gently prod me. Time is a mess for me, too.” She flapped a hand at the windowless walls surrounding her cell.

Allen sorrowfully lowered his eyes toward the floor. “I wish Shane would let me put you in a real bedroom. This place is sucky.”

“Aye, it is, but no matter.” Lenora pretended to be nonchalant, but she felt like a damned mole. When next she saw Valerie, the first question out of her mouth would be how long Shane had her holed up. She waved dismissively and repeated her earlier statement to be sure he understood. “Set a morning alarm for eight o’clock, Allen. We’ll have coffee and breakfast, I’ll give ye your morning meds, and we’ll talk. Now, repeat that back to me.”

Allen complied and smiled when Lenora nodded in satisfaction. He set the alarm and showed her that he’d done it successfully.

“Set an evening alarm for six o’clock. Bring wine, and we’ll drink that. Dinner, too, whenever ye can. We’ll have wine, eat, I’ll give ye your evening meds, and we’ll talk more. Repeat that back to me now.”

Once again, Allen complied. After he set the second alarm, he showed Lenora that he’d done it right, which elicited another positive response.

“Can we start tonight? I don’t have the meds, but I want us to have wine and dinner together.” He looked pleadingly into her eyes, a hopeful but somewhat guarded expression on his face.

“Aye, we can. That would be very nice.”

Unknown to Lenora, she’d been locked away in the underground cell for a year before the Great Alpha Wolf Pair appeared to her. Since then, her health markedly improved. With her health restored, her magic was stronger but not strong enough to break through the binding curses. She carefully experimented, seeing how far her magic would go until the curses either ricocheted it back at her or simply neutralized it before it had a chance to move through the air. When Valerie brought her blank journals, Lenora wrote long entries in the form of letters to her beloved Wolfman. Both Allen and Valerie eventually brought her thick notebooks with ruled paper and a vast supply of pens, and book ideas took shape once again. Lenora scrawled page after page of notes and spent hours on end bringing her creation to life. She used her magic to conceal the journals, notebooks, and pens from Shane’s sight.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months and years. Holidays and her children’s birthdays came and went while she filled stacks of notebooks with her writing. She wrote regularly in her journal. When Lenora filled an enormous leather journal, she gave it to Valerie and pleaded with her to give it to Tyrone. She encouraged her to come clean to Tyrone. Lenora wept when Valerie promised to grant Lenora’s requests. By the time Valerie confessed and gave Tyrone the journal, Lenora had been hidden away for five years.

A year and six months into her captivity, Lenora succeeded in getting Allen onto a regimented medication routine. As the meds did their job, clearer thinking became a part of Allen’s life more and more often. Soon, he didn’t need the alarms to remind him to go to Lenora, but he kept them active nonetheless. “Just in case,” he told Lenora one day.

“I’m so proud of all you’ve done,” Lenora replied. “Ye are doing so well.”

“I feel better than I ever have in my life, and it’s all because of you. I can never replay you for making it happen,” Allen said, his eyes shining with clarity and adoration.

Lenora squeezed her eyes shut and gulped around the huge lump constricting her throat. What I want in repayment is something I don’t think ye would be willing to give. I want to go home. Lenora didn’t say the words aloud, but they rang true so loudly in her heart.

————

Author’s Note: Meanings of Irish words –
A ghra – Love
Mo chroi – My heart